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We think there might be something wrong with us when we are hurting so much by our husbands/partners porn habits, especially since we live in a pornified culture where so many people believe its fine.
Some of us justify our husbands/partners behavior with "All guys look at porn" and "It's better than him having an affair" or "At least he's not always coming to me to get his needs met".
In a similar topic of this forum, another poster wrote: ..."pornography can be very degrading to your partner (and yes they may even silence that feeling, since society these days says it is normal for men to view porn, and in return women should not have ill feelings because of it).
he told me the truth right away that he watched porn because we got into a fight the day before.. but I cant help but feel so hurt and like Im not good enough.. Am I the only girl in the world who thinks that watching porn is not acceptable? Im so bothered by it and I cant stop thinking about what hes thinking when he watches it! Even married men have a porn stash hidden some place. i love him..he's my first but with that it realy hurt me so much..
and this time I purposefully checked and there it was.. I broke up with him over it because it hurts me to think he would watch naked girls and get off by them when he has me!!! His phone had a password and I was curious why he put one on after he hadnt had one in so long.. I talked to all my girl friends and they keep telling me its normal.. It's completely normal doesn't mean he likes you less. i even look for a spy cam to know what he do when im not at home..
We tell ourselves all these "permission-giving-believes" because we do not want to be seen as pathological, overreacting, and frigid women who need to "lighten up" .
So we would rather suffer in silence, or we would talk to our husbands nicely, (or screaming yelling and throwing an emotional tantrum) telling them how much their behavior hurts us and pleading with them to stop and then believe their promises - just to find out in a few years time they are still lying to us.. As long as we do not take a firm stance on this, and proper steps to address the issue, we will keep on enabling our husbands/partners to do porn.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. I have experienced the harmful effects of porn in my marriage for many years and so have thousands of women out there!
its been about 2months and he has been good until today.. we have the same case girl, we almost broke the time i saw porn cd's and take note i saw it in my closet. if were having sex i couldn't help myself thinking what's on his mind while he's doing that to me.lights off is it me,is it my body he can see in the middle of the dark???? i dont trust & i doubt him every time his in the comfortroom bcoz it takes him almost half an hour to waste & take a bath.just thinking what the other hell he's doing for that long.
but he promised me not to do it again, he feel sorry , i accepted his apology but i don't trust him anymore even he make promises.
I would therefore suggest that you do not consider getting married to this guy before his problem with porn has been properly dealt with!
You would not want to be miserable for the rest of your life because he can not give up his porn for you, would you? Then why should you put up with the painful effects of porn consumption in your relationship for the rest of your life?
Unless he is serious about quitting it for real and proof it to you!
As for your lady friends telling you "its nothing" - in my opinion women are too accommodating on this issue.